Bowing out of the "Great Shake Out"

I am not one to be cynical or insensitive about natural disasters, by any means. However, I arrived at my office on the UCLA campus this morning and opened my email to find an announcement from a campus administrator titled "Drop, Cover, and Hold on!". As it turns out, tomorrow morning (Thursday, November 13) at 10am, we will be participating in the "Great Southern California Shakeout" with "millions of people throughout southern california." Yep, that's right folks, it's an earthquake drill. No doubt inspired by the 5-point something shaker we had earlier this summer.

Now, I believe in emergency-preparedness. I believe in practicing emergency scenarios, particularly in schools and major public buildings and venues that house children and large numbers of people at any given time. And I believe in taking steps to make sure that those who have never experienced an earthquake before know what to expect and feel prepared.

But, I also have a request--I sincerely ask that those of us who were born and raised on the jittery, tremor-prone streets of Southern California (and all of California for that matter) be excused from these drills once we reach the age of 18 and have thoroughly mastered the whole "drop, cover, and hold on" scenario in both simulated and live events.

I have spent more time crouching on low-grade carpet under desks and tables in the public schools of California than I, or my knees, care to remember. I crouched under our big circular craft tables at St. Stevens Preschool. I ducked under our single and double desks every year (multiple times) in kindergarten through 6th grade at Highlands Elementary. I huddled under desks in 7th and 8th grade hoping that my big, hair-sprayed bangs didn't get caught on a chair leg or something along with all of the other girls at Arroyo Seco Junior High. And I explored the underside of those desks in every gym, bungalow, science lab and lecture hall every year at Saugus High School as well. (And then I went to college in Northern California where they hadn't even finished rebuilding freeways from the last major earthquake 6 years prior.) I have experienced many an earthquake, including the Northridge '94, after which my high school was converted into a Red Cross shelter for a week and my weekend jaunts to the Northridge mall were seriously curbed. Trust me, I get it.

I have dropped and covered my little Californian heart out. And now I would like to report to the office with my birth certificate, my K-12 diplomas and my CA driver's license and ask to be excused from this class.

By all means, lets get the infinite number of adults living here who hail from birthplaces outside of our golden, fault-lined borders to practice diving for cover along with all the little kiddies. I'll even offer encouraging words and constructive criticism on their speed, form, and desk grip. But as far as this California kid is concerned, I'd rather take my driver's test again than continue to shove my increasingly large ass under one more pint-sized desk.

Bring on the shake, rattle and roll, California. This gal's ready to rock.